Perverted New Year's Resolutions

My Perverted New Year's Resolution

I am a submissive, bisexual cuckold whose wife has cut him off. I have turned to gay sex and exhibitionism, as well as cuckold fantasies. I have tried to find out when my wife is flirting with another man online or having sex with them. I can't always find out but I know she has done a little and it excites me. My general feeling now is that I am an inadequate lover, even less than a minute man back when I would still get to be inside my wife's pussy. I did always love to lick her pussy, which I did well, and I love sucking cock so I've evolved into a very submissive bisexual who only wants to service others. I do not have the stamina to be fucking others, but want to suck and be fucked, if I can. I will either cum from that without any touching or masturbate myself later as if my cock was a clit. It usually will only get a little hard but I can come with it semi-erect or sometimes even completely flaccid if I am humiliated enough. So I need to step up my level of humiliation. Here are my resolutions for 2020:

1) I want to suck the cock and swallow the cum of at least 52 different men this year, one for each week.

2) I want to expand where I meet the men from online at Doublelist or at an adult book store. I want to go to one of the gay bathhouses in my town, go on Grindr, get picked up at least once in "everyday" life, and at a gay bar. Suggestions for further expanding where I meet are welcome.

3) I want to be less picky with the men I do meet. Right now there is an old guy who wants to do frottage and kissing with me. He is not attractive to me but I am submissive and perverted so it will give me pleasure to do what he wants. Same with this black guy with a huge cock that answered one of my ads. Even though I have a cuckold fetish, I've never linked it with an interracial fetish. I've jerked off with a black guy and a black woman before. I'm attracted to black women, but never have been to black men. And many who have answered ads intimidate me, like this one, as they have bigger cocks than I've ever handled and they are more masculine than I have dealt with before (not endorsing any stereotypes, just reporting what I've experienced so far). If I'm going to humiliate myself, I can't go by what I'm attracted to but by how I can service another man, make them cum, and get nothing in return. So I resolve to agree to sex with any and all consenting adults who ask.

4) I will go on Tindr, describe myself and my fetishes accurately, and agree to whatever sex any women wants to have with me. I used to avoid overweight women, but, again, that's absurd when I am here to serve and I have licked two pussies of heavy women for "flowers" back in the craigslist days and loved it. I don't think any woman will necessarily want to have any kind of sexual contact with me but if they do, I will do as asked.

5) I will pay a street sex worker for sex. Once again, I will be clear about just how perverted I am to them. I used to believe that was wrong but I have already gone to a massage parlor and came from a little bit of touching to my cock during the massage (she laughed about what my cock had done and I was apologetic--I would have asked for a happy ending, but as a premature ejaculator, I never made it to that stage).

6) I will continue to seek out all varieties of legal, consensual porn and encourage anyone to suggest new types to watch. I will use them to "train" myself to new, more degrading fetishes.

7) Ultimately, as a cuckolded submissive, I need to submit to my wife. She is not interested in engaging me sexually, but I can serve her by doing what she says. I generally do, but I must not bitch and moan no matter how onerous the demands or how much she insults me. I have to learn to see the insults as a gift to me because they reinforce how pathetic I am. Also, surely my wife has cause to insult me, as she was always an extremely powerful and striking woman with many, many suitors and now she is stuck with me. We are committed to making it work for our family but my job is to do as she says and curb any back talk or disagreement. I should seek to make her feel better and take freely and without complaint any criticism she sends my way.

8) I don't believe my wife has any interest in a cuckold fetish lifestyle. She has said things that make me think she knows that I do, but I always insist on discussing the case as a theoretical issue, not my fetish (from reading the book Sex at Dawn and telling her about it, for instance). If she broaches the subject, I will not deflect it as best I can and admit to having thoughts along these lines if and only if they are invited and would not upset her. The same goes for bisexuality, which she does not believe in (so if she knows about my gay side she probably just thinks I'm gay, full stop). It would upset her to know that I have engaged in homosexual acts in my life, and still married her, but if she asks explicitly about experiences or thoughts, I will tell her instead of lying. I will not do so just to get my jollies off if it will hurt her. I will, of course, look for every opportunity for letting her cheat if it is up to me. If she brings up things others have said or done sexual in the past or now, I will show interest and let her know she can say more rather than being jealous. Obviously, if she says she has to visit a friend, I will say yes without any argument.

9) I will find an online female dominant who will give me instructions for me to carry out and film and ensure I fulfill my resolutions.